November 14, 2023

weekly newsletter – change, small town guilt, and moving on

I think it’s normal to feel as though you’re outgrowing your space in your mid-twenties. It’s a time-honoured tradition of baby birds flying the nest, and venturing out into the world to see what comes next. After the past year, I think I’ve earned this next step in my life. And so, I’m looking towards the hum of the city – more specifically, Glasgow.

I’ve never thought of myself as someone who would want to escape my home town. I thought for a very long time that I was happy, and would continue to be as my life played out to the tune of slow days and minimal change, but I have come to the realisation that I am hungry for the abundance of the world, and starved of experiences. Moving on comes with great excitement, but for me it’s tinged with guilt. I feel as though I’m giving up on my home after so many years of trying to make it work for me, and trying to make it a place that might one day work for other people.

The well of my home town is drying up on me, and I think that for too many years I’ve remained and tried to extract something from it that is no longer there. I think it’s a kind of ego, an arrogance within myself, that has made me stay for so long. That this place is better with me in it, that my creativity and my vision will solve all of its problems. And it won’t. I think that I have also been hiding behind the excuse of wanting to stay because ‘one day, things will improve if I stick with it.’ It’s a conversation I’ve had with friends and acquaintances time after time; that changes need to happen, but somehow they never come to fruition. They’re just ideas and never plans to be executed. Perhaps it is becoming a waste of my energy – energy which would be better used forging ahead in another direction, while understanding where I’ve come from, and having a kind of pride in my sleepy old town.

I think I need to have pride in myself most of all, and that won’t be tied to a time or place anymore. I love my home town, but I think that I should love myself and all the possibilities of my future more.

3 Comments

  • I remember feeling like that. It was a mixture of excitement at the thought of exploring “uncharted territory” and sadness at leaving behind friends and family and the fear of missing out on future events. At this stage of life (50), after moving countless time various parts Oz east coast and UK, I am so thankful I lived like I did. Sure I missed out on a number of things, birthdays, weddings, births, funerals, you name it but I gained so much more from life experiences out of my comfort zone! You go girl! Your childhood home will always be here and you’ll see a different side to it when you visit each time. Xox

  • I have been surfing on-line more than 3 hours nowadays, yet
    I never found any fascinating article like yours.
    It is lovely price enough for me. Personally, if all
    site owners and bloggers made good content material as you probably did,
    the internet might be much more useful than ever before.

    • Hello! Thank you so much for your kind comment. It means a lot to me that you’ve taken the time to leave a little message of appreciation. This blog is something I’ve wanted to do for a very long time, and I have finally got around to putting some semblance of my thoughts down on paper as it were. I hope that you find this place a safe and considered space to read and relax! Take care!

Leave a Reply to Ethel Bonaparte Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *